Hmm well Brody is really cool. He stayed up till 1 with me because we'll maybe he enjoyed it as we watched adventure time. Jordan has a ring on his finger I wish I felt like I could talk to him. He just feels like closed door. Maybe it was my fault making Alyssa not apart of our family. Maybe every time it's my fault Andy Abbott got separated from us because at times I said I didn't like him, for the record Andy I thought you were awesome. I have pain in my bowels I know this is weird yet I have seen stories of kids dying. So in case this is my last or close to last day alive I would say don't blame yourselves family/friends I am in a wonderful place. I am sure I did my part on earth. By the way not planning on suicide I am just thinking that I may have a ruptured intestine and I may die from it. Brody as well pudding wasn't the cause. Lets see zack and jake you were/are wonderful friends. Mom and dad I just wanted to be awesome I wanted to I don't even know. Probably just be better than my brothers. My goal was to be out of the box, not ordinary, change the world. Yet as you have said so many times that pc just sucks me in. Levi and mom you are both so right and I wish I could pull myself away. I really want to cry right now crying and bleeding are the most wonderful feelings I think. Just let it out. It's kind of sadistic yet I really am unsure of why I am so rigid and calm through this turmoil of college and everything. I think one(just one of the many) of the things keeping me from suicide is that one kid died on campus and he wasn't able to experience life which God gave him. I know maybe his family may have not been proud of his grades or he didn't have friends yet if you are alive you can still go on living. Like me I can still: talk to God, imagine, play in dirt, breath, see, walk, eat!, hear, you know what if I do die I am going to love this because I ended on the best note ever with this awesome message. Wow. Dad I don't know if mom makes stuff up or what yet I wanted to say that you are the best I know you work a bunch yet guess what that got us money so that we could go to college enjoy life, friends, family. Hawaii, skiing, the North Star, out home life like food, quality of life, not having to work our high school lives away simply because we couldn't do anything. And then you were awesome too trying to help us with our interests and play board with me( I know it was rare yet it was enough). Also the morals the knowledge the wisdom that you shared with us. You didn't fail your sons you made it possible for us to pursue what we wanted and... Brain switch. League of legends wow I wish I could be on a pro team. I think I want to be pro league because I want to be the center of attention, famous! Why God tells me to not pursue the fame of man. Ugh I am such a sinner. Dude tomorrow I am not looking forward to work. I just want to sit and pray. I really want no pc. My strongest desires: build something cool that would be recognized, build and magnetic or pc game that includes space and land battle across each planet surface like Star Wars empire at war except ships can be anywhere and the land fights and buildings are planet wide not simply confined to a field per planet. So like a combination of war hammer 40k (kind of) and civilization space version. Also the pc version could be rts. And the magnetic would be turn based. Another thing I wanted go make a laser tag like game except you have goggles and a suit like Enders game where you download an area such as the property of the NS by walking around so that the program could download it all and then you can play a mission with yourself or friends in which the game makes it like the time setting you chose or the weapons you chose or whatever. Agh it's 2 am and I don't feel tired maybe it was all the laughing and adventure oh or it's the pudding. Ugh all that sugar I can't believe it is actually keeping me awake. Well alright I am going to get down to the basement and watch man of steel so yea. Also I have seriously considered being a bank robber, mass car driver, astronaut, scuba welder, and I am done.
No comments:
Post a Comment